I’ll skip right to the juicy details of this story…
“Joe” and I go out again. This time we walk around a park, go to dinner at a local place then head out for a couple of drinks. He’s more talkative and he’s loosened up a little compared to our first couple of encounters. I have 2 beers. My limit when out with someone I don’t know.
I had a great time. He was fun and we were laughing and the conversation was flowing a lot more. I’m unsure if there’s a romantic connection here. He seems like a great guy. He has his life at least somewhat together and seems like a gentleman. Not bad for a first attempt at online dating.
Its the end of the night. He walks me to my car. The inevitable first kiss happens. I was up for it. I had a fun night so let’s see if there’s something there…
Nope. Nothing. Nada. No sparks, no fireworks, no butterflies. I may as well have been kissing a piece of paper.
Now, I am officially torn. I had a fantastic time but there was no deeper connection. Did I expect to feel one after 3 dates? Not necessarily but I did expect to feel SOMETHING.
We texted back and forth for a couple of days. I had a crazy work schedule and other plans so my texts to him were limited. He finally sends me a message asking if I wanted to get dinner. I had taken some time and actually thought about where my head was with this whole situation. I’m honest…here goes nothing…
“Listen, I want to be totally honest here. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and I had a lot of fun the times we went out but I’m not sure if I’m feeling any kind of deeper connection and the last thing I want to do is lead you on or hurt your feelings so I wanted to tell you now before things go any further. If you want to still get together but without the expectations that anything more is going to come out of this, I would love that but completely understand if you don’t want to do that either. I just wanted to tell you and do the right thing.”
I’m genuinely a nice person. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but if a connection’s not there, its not there. And there’s no way to force one. I don’t want to waste my time or his time. I thought I was doing the right thing and I would definitely understand if he wanted nothing to do with me after receiving that message. I tried to soften the blow the best I could. I thought I did an okay job….he thought otherwise:
“You did the wrong thing by not getting to know me further. I feel like I didn’t even get to know you besides all of the superficial stuff. You seemed so wholesome. I felt like I needed to sensor myself around you.”
“Well, I was 100% honest with you from the beginning. We talked about this. I pride myself on honestly. If you felt like you needed to sensor yourself, that’s on you.”
The conversation continues. I try to end it. He asks what he did wrong. I explain that it was nothing that he did or didn’t do…there’s just no deeper feelings there for me but I had a good time with him so if he wanted to be friends…I’d be up for trying…
“I don’t want to drop this line on you because I know its probably the last thing you want to hear, but if you ever want to get together as friends without any expectations that it will ever be more than that, I would love to do that.”
“The only problem is that I’m not gay.”
“I’m not sure what one has to do with the other.”
“I’m too horny to do the plutonic thing. How’s that for honesty?”
Ummmm….excuse me but WHAT?! Forget trying to be friends. Now, I think he’s a disgusting creep. He sends me this sob story about how he’s had a string of bad luck with women and I had all of the qualities he wanted so of course I was too good to be true.
Was I in the wrong here? If the situation were reversed, I would MUCH rather know sooner instead of later if the person on the other end felt a deeper/romantic connection. Is that just me? Am I in the minority of women that feel that way?
He keeps texting me saying I never really got a chance to know him. I haven’t responded. I know enough…