Its been a busy week for this girl. Between a hectic work schedule and several dates, I’ve fallen off the blogging bandwagon…temporarily. The good news is: I’m back so where did I leave you?
Ah, yes. eHarmony guy #2 (“Dave”) and Tinder guy #2 (who we shall name in next blog post).
Let’s start with “Dave.” I genuinely had a great time on our date so naturally, Dave and I start texting more and make tentative plans to go on another date to an NHL game the following Saturday. I was in the middle of working an 8 day stretch with erratic hours, so we decided the weekend would be the best chance to make something work.
I really enjoy texting with “Dave.” He’s funny and clever and our conversations are easy but part of me still feels like something is missing. Is “Dave” my soulmate? Probably not. Am I even looking for a soulmate? Not sure. Right now, its fun. I’m meeting new people, making new friends and learning about myself and what I want for once.
I’ve always had the tendency to date a man that I believed could be “fixed.” Is it the natural, mothering instinct in women that makes us believe we can help a person? We can be their saving grace. Their compass to point them back on the right path. We can save them from themselves. We can be what they need to make themselves a better person. We put aside our wants and needs and focus our energy on someone else and their issues. We look past this person’s flaws and latch on to those magical moments we share with them that honestly…are few and far between.
WHY DO WE KEEP DOING THIS? WHY?!
The best dating advice I’ve ever received in my life didn’t come from my best girlfriend or flipping through the pages of Cosmo or reading online dating blogs. It came from my father.
My last long-term relationship went down in fairly epic flames in July of 2014. We had been together for 3 years and we lived together for 2 of them. We talked about getting married and starting a family and honestly began planning the next few years of our future together. Until one Saturday morning, he decided that he couldn’t deal with the uncertainty of my career. My contract was up in 6 months and I would be moving on to a bigger city for a new position, but I had no clue where I would be. I knew where I wanted to go but in the world of television news, you move where the job takes you. He didn’t want to follow me and my career. So…he was done. Out of the blue. There was no discussion, debate, or compromise. He was done. He packed up whatever he could fit in his car and 6 hours later, he had moved to another state (back in with his mother, mind you).
About a week later, I’m on vacation with my family. I’m sitting on the beach and decompressing with my feet in the sand while I stare out at the ocean. My phone rings. Its my ex, naturally. His resume is on my laptop and he is applying for a job so instead of being a decent human being and just creating a new resume all together, he asks me to email it to him. I designed and wrote it for him when we were together so of course he wants the one that he knows will likely get him a job.
I hang up and reluctantly head back to the house, open my laptop and email him the document. Immediately, I begin to cry. You don’t spend 3 years of your life with someone if you don’t honestly believe that you have a future together. When it all comes crashing down, its hard to think of what could be next.
I grab a couple of Coronas and sit on the deck with my dad. He is a wonderful man. If I could find a husband half as amazing as my father, I would be happy.
My dad starts off this conversation. His intentions are good, but he definitely needs to work on the delivery.
“K, you’re going to have a hard time finding a man.”
“Just listen for a second.”
“Definitely need to work on a smoother delivery there, old man.”
“Sorry, but listen. You are smart, talented and driven. You’re beautiful and successful and a lot of men find that intimidating. You may have a hard time finding someone who is on your same intellectual level.”
“No. I’m not saying that. You need to stop dating boys and start dating men. You need to find a man who has his life together. Someone who doesn’t need to be fixed. Someone who can take care of you for a change. You deserve to be taken care of and you want to date someone who challenges you and makes you a better version of yourself. Stop dating losers. Start dating men with careers. Men who can support you. Men who don’t have personal issues that interfere with your relationship. Date someone who appreciates what you do. Someone who is as passionate about their career and their life as you are about yours.”
He is typically not a man of many words, but damn these words were good. They hit me right in the feels. He was on the money with this one. So, I sit and ponder as I stare at the ocean. Cool breeze on my face and beer in hand. I decide right then and there that whenever I begin dating again, I will date for ME this time.
BACK TO NOW:
“Dave” and I have a date in the works, but its a week away. In the meantime, I’m still having a few other conversations on eHarmony and even Tinder, too. Its fun. Every day, there are new people to talk to and another chance for you to swipe right or left. Superficial? Maybe. But its something new.
Tinder guy #2 sends me his first message and I am completely enticed by his approach…