Where are all the normal men?


I am now completely convinced that there are only 2 “normal” men left in this world…and they are dating each other.

I woke up yesterday morning to a text from “Jim” (see Let’s NOT talk about sex…) apologizing for his actions the previous night.  It was 6AM.  He’s sorry.  He was allegedly at a party and had been drinking.

WHAT A SHOCK! — not.

You mean alcohol fueled his raunchy dialogue?  Go figure.

He says he’s sorry for being an asshat and he’s not that kind of guy.  He feels terrible about the whole ordeal.  I somehow find this hard to believe.

If it wasn’t 6AM and my brain was actually awake and functioning, I would have probably told him to go f*ck himself.  I somehow find enough energy and brain power to come up with this:

“What happened?!  You were so sweet yesterday afternoon.  I thought we had a shot at really hitting it off, but at some point last night, a switch was flipped and I felt like I was talking to a horny teenager.”

He’s apologizing again.  He says that is not who he is and he still wants to take me out.  He promises to treat me right.  He compliments me and tells me I’m amazing.  Am I this much of a sucker?  Am I so ridiculously desperate that I am ACTUALLY considering this?  I wish the answer to those two questions was “no.”


My dating life could really be made into a sitcom at this point.

The kicker to this ENTIRE story is that he has a Master’s degree in Mental Health Counseling.  I kid you not.  Why are the ones who make a living helping others are the ones that seem the most unstable?  Am I the only one that his noticed this trend?

Maybe after I agree to this date, he can counsel me on my obviously jilted mental state.  Yes, I said yes to a date.  Why?  I’m honestly not sure.  Blog research?  Before the uncomfortable sexting incident, we had agreed to meet for drinks Monday.  I told him I would still meet him but was very apprehensive.

I arrive at our agreed upon location.  I had come directly from work so I was rushing to quickly change and meet him there.  He had texted me almost an hour before I arrived saying he was on his way.  When I responded and asked him why he was leaving so early, he replied “because I’m bored.”

Well…I’m sorry that not working a normal 9 to 5 job is inconvenient for you.

I text him after I park my car asking where to meet him.  I wait.  No response.  I walk inside and attempt to find this man I have only ever seen photos of online.

I’m dressed to the nines.  Lucky Brand skinny jeans, printed brown and black halter top, brown wedges.  My TV makeup is still on and my hair looks extra “newsy.”

I walk up to the hostess stand and she politely asks, “how many?”  I reply that I’m meeting someone here but I’m not sure where he is so she very sweetly offers to walk me around to see if we can find him.  God bless this young woman.  I can tell that she knows I’m meeting someone for the first time and I needed someone like her in that moment.  Solidarity, sister!  After only 30 seconds, I spot him at the bar.

Of course he’s at the bar.  The LEAST intimate setting out of any place in a restaurant.  This, AFTER I had asked him if we could sit outside because it was such a beautiful evening, mind you.

I introduce myself and he says hello.  This next part is not meant to sound cruel in any way at all, but throughout the duration of our time together, I honestly could not tell if he was drunk when I arrived or if his elevator maybe wasn’t reaching the top floor…

Where do I find these people?  How is it possible that there are THIS MANY strange men in a relatively small area?

It was awful.  I carried the conversation.  He kept asking the same questions over and over again.  He did not like talking about himself and changed the subject back to me.  I had just about enough of carrying the conversation, so I decided to address the elephant in the room.

“I have to ask you about last night.  What happened?  Seriously?  Just wondering what made you think that was okay?”

He puts his hands to his face.  “I’m so sorry!  I was such an idiot.  I thought that was what you wanted.”

“What I wanted?!  I tried to change the subject every time you brought it up because you kept pushing the issue.  No one wants that.  And what I tried to make you understand is that there are some things I absolutely will not talk about over text messaging with someone I don’t know.  It takes less than a second to take a screenshot and someone could potentially damage a reputation that I’ve worked so hard to build.  That’s not okay.”

He keeps apologizing.  I’m over this date.  So.  Over.  It.  I was honestly over it before it even began.  I’m not even sure why I went in the first place.  I gave this guy the benefit of the doubt…something I definitely should not have done in the first place.

He walks me out.  I am polite and thank him for the beers.  THANK GOD for Yuengling.

He texts me later that night.  He had fun.  Wait….what?!  DO WE EVEN LIVE ON THE SAME PLANE OF EXISTENCE?!

I don’t respond.  He’s one number I’m definitely going to be happy to lose…


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