Throughout my online dating adventures, I have met two men with whom I’ve actually been able to form friendships. We’ll call them “Brad” and “Adam” for anonymity purposes.
“Brad” and I met at a local brewery one night. He began messaging me via Tinder because my profile says that I love science and math. I checked out his profile, too. He’s into wake boarding and works as an electrical engineer. We exchange numbers and meet at our agreed upon location.
I walk in and “Brad” is not as he appears in his photos. He’s about 5’6 and I’m 5’7 barefoot so already, there is a little bit of a heigh mismatch. We order a couple of beers and talk. The conversation is GREAT. He’s smart and knowledgable about all science and academic fields. We have a deep scientific discussion about evolution and fate and destiny. It was probably the most interesting conversation I’ve ever had with another person my age EVER. Intelligence-wise, he’s fantastic. But I’m not attracted to him physically.
Call me shallow if you wish, but for me, being physically attracted to someone is a huge part of a relationship. If I don’t want to jump your bones after the first time we meet, I’m not sure if I can see a future. I’m a firm believer that a physical connection with a partner is just as important as an emotional one. Think about it. Those intimate moments are literally the closest you can be to another human being. Period.
Anyway, “Brad” and I text after our meeting. I am honest with him and tell him that I don’t see our relationship escalating any further than friendship. He thanks me for being so straightforward and laughs about our mismatched heights. He invites me to get together sometime to drink some beers and watch Interstellar or the Imitation Game. No expectations at all. Just friends. I’m definitely down with that. Our schedules haven’t lined up for any definitive plans yet, but the option is there. And we’re both trying. I see a friendship in the making if things keep up like this. And I’m glad that I had the chance to meet him.
“Adam” is also great. He and I have been out twice. The first time was essentially a date and he took me to a nice restaurant/bar with an outdoor patio. The ambience was nice. It was in the middle of downtown with beautiful lights strung from the top of the patio. We drank a bottle of wine and ate some delicious pizza. He’s a nuclear physicist and he is waiting to hear back about a job in another state. Because of the work he will be doing, he needs high-level security clearance so a background check has been ongoing for the last several months and will continue for the next few. He is not sure when he will be moving, but it could be any time between now and the end of summer.
“Adam” and I have great conversation, too. He grew up in the Middle East and came here for college. He’s very intelligent and I am fascinated with his life. He has family all over the world and has traveled to some very interesting places over the years. He was up-front about his job situation from the beginning so I know that what we have going on is not going to be anything more than it is right now. And we’re both okay with that. We enjoy each other’s company.
The second time we went out was a Thursday night. It was the first really warm and beautiful Thursday in my city. We took advantage of it and went to a local brewery above the train tracks that overlooks the city skyline. We ordered a pitcher of beer, nachos and quesadillas. He’s convinced I don’t eat enough even though I do tell him repeatedly that I can eat medium pizzas by myself and would destroy a basket of fried pickles if they were put in front of me. He’s genuine and sweet, but life is taking us in different directions.
Both of these men were Tinder matches. Both of them turned out to be fantastic company and would be a great catch for someone…just not me. Not this time. Thinking about these two does make me smile. It gives me hope that despite the wild and crazy dating experiences I have had so far…there are still some good people out there.
They may be harder to find than a needle in a haystack, but at least they do exist.