Tinder talk

Tinder guy #2.  Let’s call him “Mike.”

I wake up on a Monday morning and check my phone.  I have a message awaiting me on Tinder.  I open it and read:

“While my wardrobe is in dire need…(My 2 pairs of jeans from B Repub are working overtime) I am such a sucker for a gal who dresses well.  You look great.  Hope your Monday is going well!”

Solid opening line.  I’m impressed.  I reply back:

“Thank you for the compliment 🙂  You should probably work on the jeans situation, but I the struggle is so real finding that perfect pair of jeans.  I definitely get it.  Hope you’re having a great day so far.”

We chat via Tinder for a while.  Mike is interesting.  There is something about him that I can’t quite put my finger on yet.  He’s quippy and witty.  He looks gorgeous in his photos.  This man may be too good to be true.

After a while chatting on Tinder, he asks for my number so we can text instead.  I give him my number and we continue our conversation over text.  I find out he works in sales and is in the process of interviewing for a new job.  He’s working on a presentation he has to give at the beginning of the next week.

He’s driven.  He has a new job but he’s looking for something more lucrative.  Points.

I happen to be off work for the next couple of days.  If this guy asks me on a date, I’m saying yes.  We’ll see what happens.  For right now, I’m enjoying our conversations and learning about who he is.  He was a marine, has a close relationship with his friends and family and he has a good job.  He seems like a guy that has a handle on his life.

We’ll see how it goes…


Dating for “ME”

Its been a busy week for this girl.  Between a hectic work schedule and several dates, I’ve fallen off the blogging bandwagon…temporarily.  The good news is: I’m back so where did I leave you?

Ah, yes.  eHarmony guy #2 (“Dave”) and Tinder guy #2 (who we shall name in next blog post).

Let’s start with “Dave.”  I genuinely had a great time on our date so naturally, Dave and I start texting more and make tentative plans to go on another date to an NHL game the following Saturday.  I was in the middle of working an 8 day stretch with erratic hours, so we decided the weekend would be the best chance to make something work.

I really enjoy texting with “Dave.”  He’s funny and clever and our conversations are easy but part of me still feels like something is missing.  Is “Dave” my soulmate?  Probably not.  Am I even looking for a soulmate?  Not sure.  Right now, its fun.  I’m meeting new people, making new friends and learning about myself and what I want for once.

I’ve always had the tendency to date a man that I believed could be “fixed.”  Is it the natural, mothering instinct in women that makes us believe we can help a person?  We can be their saving grace.  Their compass to point them back on the right path.  We can save them from themselves.  We can be what they need to make themselves a better person.  We put aside our wants and needs and focus our energy on someone else and their issues.  We look past this person’s flaws and latch on to those magical moments we share with them that honestly…are few and far between.


The best dating advice I’ve ever received in my life didn’t come from my best girlfriend or flipping through the pages of Cosmo or reading online dating blogs.  It came from my father.


My last long-term relationship went down in fairly epic flames in July of 2014.  We had been together for 3 years and we lived together for 2 of them.  We talked about getting married and starting a family and honestly began planning the next few years of our future together.  Until one Saturday morning, he decided that he couldn’t deal with the uncertainty of my career.  My contract was up in 6 months and I would be moving on to a bigger city for a new position, but I had no clue where I would be.  I knew where I wanted to go but in the world of television news, you move where the job takes you.  He didn’t want to follow me and my career.  So…he was done.  Out of the blue.  There was no discussion, debate, or compromise.  He was done.  He packed up whatever he could fit in his car and 6 hours later, he had moved to another state (back in with his mother, mind you).

About a week later, I’m on vacation with my family.  I’m sitting on the beach and decompressing with my feet in the sand while I stare out at the ocean.  My phone rings.  Its my ex, naturally.  His resume is on my laptop and he is applying for a job so instead of being a decent human being and just creating a new resume all together, he asks me to email it to him.  I designed and wrote it for him when we were together so of course he wants the one that he knows will likely get him a job.

I hang up and reluctantly head back to the house, open my laptop and email him the document.  Immediately, I begin to cry.  You don’t spend 3 years of your life with someone if you don’t honestly believe that you have a future together.  When it all comes crashing down, its hard to think of what could be next.

I grab a couple of Coronas and sit on the deck with my dad.  He is a wonderful man.  If I could find a husband half as amazing as my father, I would be happy.

My dad starts off this conversation.  His intentions are good, but he definitely needs to work on the delivery.

“K, you’re going to have a hard time finding a man.”

“Well…thanks, Dad.”

“Just listen for a second.”

“Definitely need to work on a smoother delivery there, old man.”

“Sorry, but listen.  You are smart, talented and driven.  You’re beautiful and successful and a lot of men find that intimidating.  You may have a hard time finding someone who is on your same intellectual level.”

“So…basically…I’m doomed.”

“No.  I’m not saying that.  You need to stop dating boys and start dating men.  You need to find a man who has his life together.  Someone who doesn’t need to be fixed.  Someone who can take care of you for a change.  You deserve to be taken care of and you want to date someone who challenges you and makes you a better version of yourself.  Stop dating losers.  Start dating men with careers.  Men who can support you.  Men who don’t have personal issues that interfere with your relationship.  Date someone who appreciates what you do.  Someone who is as passionate about their career and their life as you are about yours.”

He is typically not a man of many words, but damn these words were good.  They hit me right in the feels.  He was on the money with this one.  So, I sit and ponder as I stare at the ocean.  Cool breeze on my face and beer in hand. I decide right then and there that whenever I begin dating again, I will date for ME this time.


“Dave” and I have a date in the works, but its a week away.  In the meantime, I’m still having a few other conversations on eHarmony and even Tinder, too.  Its fun.  Every day, there are new people to talk to and another chance for you to swipe right or left.  Superficial?  Maybe.  But its something new.

Tinder guy #2 sends me his first message and I am completely enticed by his approach…

The trouble with Tinder

I get together with a group of girlfriends from work on a Saturday afternoon.  A few beers later…and against my better judgement…they have successfuly convinced me and I have downloaded Tinder on my phone.

In case you have been living under a rock and don’t know how Tinder works:

  1. Upload photos of yourself
  2. Write short, sarcastic and quippy bio about yourself
  3. Set age range for matches
  4. Set search radius for matches
  5. Start swiping

Swipe left: Not interested.  Swipe right: Interested.

If two people swipe right on each other “Congratulations, its a match!”

You can now start messaging over the app.

Tinder has a bad reputation for being a trashy hook-up app.  It is…and it isn’t.  There are a few diamonds in the ruff in there but HOLY HELL does it take a while and a lot of swiping to actually find them.

I’m discouraged by the amount of pure scumbags I initially come across.

Enter Tinder Match #1 as prime example:

“How’s it going future ex girlfriend?”

Really?  THAT’S his opening line?  Who in their right freaking mind would ever even consider dating a man who starts a conversation that way?

Must. Not. Respond. To. Cocky. Asshole. Must. Resist. Urge.

Its too late.  My fingers have already started typing.  I blame the beers.

“Well…someone’s awfully confident.”

“Well we do end up breaking up sooooo”

“How sad for YOU.”

“Oh I agree.  Seems like I’m missing out.”

“You’re planning our inevitable breakup already purely based on the notion that I would even go out with you in the first place.”

“So you’re saying you wouldn’t?”

“Given your appalling opening line…no.”

Unmatch.  Gross.

I end up matched with a few more guys.  Some of them send me messages and some don’t.  I leave the bar and call it an evening.

I start questioning my sanity.  Why did I ever download this app?  How could anything good ever come out of this?  I go home and consider just deleting it.

Until I get a message from Tinder Match #2…

New guy, same Italian food

Italian food.  We get it guys…its your attempt to be romantic.  Can we start being more original now?

Guy #2 asks me out to dinner.  Let’s call him “Dave.”  So Dave seems very nice.  He’s funny over email and texts and he’s very interested in what I do for a living.

I have to push our date back a half hour because of maintenance workers fixing an array of issues that have suddenly gone wrong in my apartment and he’s flexible with the time.  Bonus points.

I arrive at the restaurant and meet him outside.  He was more attractive in his photos.  It was a little bit of a let-down.  He hugs me hello and introduces himself.  I do the same.  We walk into the restaurant and are seated immediately.

He orders a beer and I order a glass of red wine (Yes!  I feel like I can drink a little on this date).  He’s comfortable and doesn’t seem nervous.  I like that.  Confidence is sexy, guys.

The conversation is really good.  He works for a software company – in sales.  He can hold a conversation better than guy #1 – although I’m trying hard not to compare.  He tells me about his job, his family, where he grew up.  He asks me a lot of questions but doesn’t make it feel like I’m being interviewed by Barbara Walters.

The eye contact was good and I am keeping his attention.  I’m enjoying myself.

Our food is delicious.  I ordered chicken parm.  Not the sexiest thing to eat on a date but I enjoyed it.

We continue our conversation long after we are both finished eating.  Its almost 10 p.m.  We have been sitting in this restaurant now for 3 hours.

Time FLEW.  It was nice to converse with someone and it not feeling like I had to work for it.  He’s interesting.  I can look past the whole him being cuter online thing…maybe.  Can I?  Hmmm…

I don’t consider myself a superficial person but I do need to be physically attracted to someone to consider pursuing anything further.  There is definitely a little bit of a connection but I’m still not sure.  There were no tingles or butterflies.  There was fun conversation and a few laughs, though.  Yet again, I find myself torn.

We part ways for the evening.  I hug him and thank him for dinner.  He asks me to text him when I get home so he knows I made it alright – very nice.  Bonus points for being considerate.

There is a second date in the works soon.  We’ll see what happens…

First kiss, no connection, final goodbye

I’ll skip right to the juicy details of this story…

“Joe” and I go out again.  This time we walk around a park, go to dinner at a local place then head out for a couple of drinks.  He’s more talkative and he’s loosened up a little compared to our first couple of encounters.  I have 2 beers.  My limit when out with someone I don’t know.

I had a great time.  He was fun and we were laughing and the conversation was flowing a lot more.  I’m unsure if there’s a romantic connection here.  He seems like a great guy.  He has his life at least somewhat together and seems like a gentleman.  Not bad for a first attempt at online dating.

Its the end of the night.  He walks me to my car.  The inevitable first kiss happens.  I was up for it.  I had a fun night so let’s see if there’s something there…

Nope.  Nothing.  Nada.  No sparks, no fireworks, no butterflies.  I may as well have been kissing a piece of paper.

Now, I am officially torn.  I had a fantastic time but there was no deeper connection.  Did I expect to feel one after 3 dates?  Not necessarily but I did expect to feel SOMETHING.

We texted back and forth for a couple of days.  I had a crazy work schedule and other plans so my texts to him were limited.  He finally sends me a message asking if I wanted to get dinner.  I had taken some time and actually thought about where my head was with this whole situation.  I’m honest…here goes nothing…

“Listen, I want to be totally honest here.  I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and I had a lot of fun the times we went out but I’m not sure if I’m feeling any kind of deeper connection and the last thing I want to do is lead you on or hurt your feelings so I wanted to tell you now before things go any further.  If you want to still get together but without the expectations that anything more is going to come out of this, I would love that but completely understand if you don’t want to do that either.  I just wanted to tell you and do the right thing.”

I’m genuinely a nice person.  I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but if a connection’s not there, its not there.  And there’s no way to force one.  I don’t want to waste my time or his time.  I thought I was doing the right thing and I would definitely understand if he wanted nothing to do with me after receiving that message.  I tried to soften the blow the best I could.  I thought I did an okay job….he thought otherwise:

“You did the wrong thing by not getting to know me further.  I feel like I didn’t even get to know you besides all of the superficial stuff.  You seemed so wholesome.  I felt like I needed to sensor myself around you.”

“Well, I was 100% honest with you from the beginning.  We talked about this.  I pride myself on honestly.  If you felt like you needed to sensor yourself, that’s on you.”

The conversation continues.  I try to end it.  He asks what he did wrong. I explain that it was nothing that he did or didn’t do…there’s just no deeper feelings there for me but I had a good time with him so if he wanted to be friends…I’d be up for trying…

“I don’t want to drop this line on you because I know its probably the last thing you want to hear, but if you ever want to get together as friends without any expectations that it will ever be more than that, I would love to do that.”

“The only problem is that I’m not gay.”

“I’m not sure what one has to do with the other.”

“I’m too horny to do the plutonic thing.  How’s that for honesty?”

Ummmm….excuse me but WHAT?!  Forget trying to be friends.  Now, I think he’s a disgusting creep.  He sends me this sob story about how he’s had a string of bad luck with women and I had all of the qualities he wanted so of course I was too good to be true.

Was I in the wrong here?  If the situation were reversed, I would MUCH rather know sooner instead of later if the person on the other end felt a deeper/romantic connection.  Is that just me?  Am I in the minority of women that feel that way?

He keeps texting me saying I never really got a chance to know him.  I haven’t responded.  I know enough…

Italian food & awkward conversation

So Guy #1…”Joe” asks me to dinner.  He picks an Italian chain restaurant.  Side note: Why is Italian the go-to for guys?  Don’t get me wrong, I love me some good old-fashioned spaghetti and meatballs, but I just moved here.  Take me somewhere local and authentic.

Its technically date #2 (if you count our short “meet & greet”) and I put way too much effort into what I’m wearing.  Skinny jeans, wedges, a shirt that shows *just enough* cleavage so he’s curious but not sitting there staring with his mouth open and tongue hanging out of his mouth like a cartoon character…

What men need to understand is that women put serious thought and consideration into every accessory and article of clothing we wear on a date.  We don’t just wake up looking fabulous.  We wake up most days feeling gross and disheveled and thankful that we are the only ones who have to deal with ourselves looking like we were just run over by an 18-wheeler.  We do our hair, cake on our makeup – making sure to highlight our best features, and make sure that our shoes match our purse – which doesn’t clash with our outfit.

We cram as much as we can into a tiny little clutch bag because GOD FORBID we bring a “real purse” on a date.  Men judge a woman’s emotional baggage on the size of her purse – or so I’ve heard.  The smaller the purse, the smaller the baggage.  And let me be the first to tell you…it is DAMN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE to squeeze our “necessities” into a tiny clutch bag.  Wallet?  Forget it.  Driver’s license, credit debit card, a few bucks cash, cell phone, MAYBE a tube of lipgloss if we’re lucky.  We manage to somehow maneuver it into this tiny, toddler-sized bag and secretly hope that we NEVER have to open it that night out of fear that there is NO WAY IN HELL we are getting everything perfectly positioned in that bag again.

One final check in the mirror.  I’d do me.  Wait – WTF am I saying?  Date #2?  Down, girl.  I’m still not even sure if I like this guy yet.  Plus, in the words of Patti Stanger (aka Millionaire Matchmaker), “no sex before monogamy.”  Good rule.  I’ll abide.

I meet him outside the restaurant.  He looks nice.  Button down shirt, jeans, boat shoes/loafers.  I’m not feeling the chemistry yet, but it has been a long time since I’ve been on a date.  We’ll see.  He does not compliment what I’m wearing.  Red flag?  I’m not expecting him to fawn over my appearance but damn…I just spent more than an hour getting ready.  At least tell me I look nice.  Just a simple “Hey, you look nice” would seriously suffice.

The conversation isn’t as forced this time, but its me doing most of the talking.  He’s a good listener.  He remembers small details about our conversation the first time we met.  He’s a little stiff and nervous…and still a little awkward, but there’s an endearing quality about it.  He seems genuine and authentic.  We’re drinking water.  Part of me wished I was diving into a bottle of Pinot Noir or Chianti and that he was drinking something to loosen up a little.

Overall, I give the date a 6 out of 10.  We ended the night with a hug goodbye and he asked if he could see me again, not before telling me that my shoes made me tall.  Thanks?

I thanked him for dinner and said we could maybe work something out depending on my work schedule.

I drive home and unwind with an oversized glass of red wine.

He texts me and said he had a nice time.  I thanked him for dinner again.  We start chatting over texts a bit.  It somehow escalates to this:

“Joe” – I’m a little sensitive.  Mostly in a good way though.  But I get my feelings hurt sometimes.  Be gentle.

I now am thinking 3 things:

  1. He clearly has a vagina
  2. I would love to respond back with something witty and dirty but he may not get it
  3. I am pretty much a dude that wears a dress

WHO SAYS THAT?! Be gentle?!  I mean…women want a sensitive guy but we never want you to admit it to us after one date!  We want a manly man on the outside that actually has real feelings on the inside.  Be gentle?  Whaaaaaat?!

I’m tired so I end our text conversation but not before I click open eHarmony again and start the “guided communication” process again with a guy who would eventually become guy #2…

First eHarmony “date”…

Guy #1.  Let’s call him Joe to keep with the whole anonymity thing.  Joe and I exchange numbers through eHarmony mail and begin to text.  I’m very cautious about giving out my number but God bless the block feature on the iPhone.

Joe seems like a nice guy so we agree to take advantage of a nice afternoon and go for a walk.  I bring my dog for added protection (not really…the stupid thing is afraid of her own shadow and would drown someone in wet kisses before attacking them).  We meet at a park with lots of trails and a huge lake.

Thoughts while driving through the woods to get to agreed upon location:

  1. Dear God I hope he’s not a serial killer
  2. This would be the perfect place to hide a body
  3. I wonder how loud I can scream
  4. Am I crazy for doing this?
  5. I hope he’s hot

Legit thoughts.

I arrive first.  Take my dog out of the car and we hang around in the parking lot.  No sign of him.  He calls.  I answer.


“Hey, its Joe.  I’m trying to find where you are but I don’t see you.  Which entrance did you go in?”

“The one that Siri told me to…closest to the main road.”

I’m new to the area.  I have no idea where the F I am going.  He’s from here.  Why is he asking me how to get there?

“Okay I think I went in the wrong way.  I’ll be there soon.”

Great first impression.  So now, I’m waiting…and waiting…and waiting.  Finally, he arrives.  He steps out of his car.  He’s cute.  Not HOT but he’s cute.  About 6’0, blonde, athletic build.  I could possibly get into it.

He apologizes for keeping me waiting.  I joke about how I just moved here and got there before him.  We start walking towards the lake.

The conversation is good but feels forced.  I work in television.  I talk for a living.  I don’t get nervous.  I don’t want to work for conversation.  I want the man I with who I am conversing to supply more than just a few words into our dialogue.

It gets better with time.  He seems to open up more.  I learn that he owns his own business with a friend and has been building it for the last 6 years.  Its becoming more successful and he’s working hard.

Our “date” is more of a meet and greet.  Its short.  We get to know each other a little.  We part ways and agree to continue our conversation on an actual date…I leave it up to him to decide…